I LOVE THIS.

Jon: Oh, wait, we have dip?
Me: Yeah.
Jon: What kind?
Me: French Onion... but it's not very good.
Jon: *waves hand* Let me try it. I've had good french onion dips and I've had bad french onion dips.
Jon: *dip, crunch, munch*
Me: ...
Jon: *straight-faced* 3.5

I've been putting so much time into my screenplay, that this morning, when I woke up, my first thought was:

"I need to text Professor Sheridan."

Yeah, no--he's a character in my screenplay. Does not exist. Thanks.

Me: Wait, Justin, you went to private school?
Justin: Yes, a Catholic school.
Me: Oh. Wow.
Justin: All boys.
Me: What?? Why?
Justin: I don't know, because it was close to my house. I could walk there.
Me: Okay-- is your family catholic?
Justin: Uhhh, I don't know. Maybe.

Pope Alexander

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

An example of my life this semester:

945-1130 am: Broke out in a cold sweat during photography class this morning and felt so sick that I thought I might throw up in the middle of the floor.
1130 am: Raced home in just enough time to finish my reading for class... well, almost finish and barely had time to make a sandwich...
1215 pm: Accidently ate moldy bread. Oops.
1240 pm-210pm: Went to class looking extremely disheveled.
230-430 pm: Went to college mentors for kids and saw kate! Appearance= increasingly disheveled.
438 pm: tried to go home and submit something due for Teach for America by 5 and realized I'd left my keys inside. locked out.
445 pm: Went to library to use computers to submit my reference list.
5pm: Met Jennifer at the Hub to retrieve keys. Left jacket at library. had to return. then a black cat crossed my path.
5pm: Wrote a response letter for class. surprisingly inspirational for my upcoming research paper.
530 pm: Had to ride to Indianapolis with Alika for his scholarship concert. spilled a bunch of water. Ate hummus. Did homework in car.
600 pm: Got ridiculously lost in the sketchiest part of Indy I've ever seen--somewhere on Tibbs, Washington, etc. Industrial Wasteland. Dead ends. Construction. Closed streets. People on corners, etc.
700pm: Arrived at the concert... a half hour late.
700 pm: Went to Starbucks and did research for my Lit Paper while calorie splurging on a delicious Pumpkin Spice Latte and a dark chocolate graham cracker.
900pm: Picked up Alika and drove back to Greencastle while listening to 90's pop/hip-hop hits. AVOIDED SKETCHY INDUSTRIAL WASTELAND WITH CLOSED STREETS AND DARK ALLEYS.
1000pm: Went straight to Library to finish research.
1015pm: Looked disheveled enough at this point that a friend openly admitted to the overwhelming sloppiness of my appearance.
1200am: Finished preliminary research for project.
1223am: Moscato.

I'm so glad this day is over. I have tons more homework to do, BUT I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF ANYTHING TODAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.

Thanks, Guys

Over dinner at India Garden:

Me: This food is so good I could start crying.
Me: What would you guys do if I just broke down in tears?
*Silence*
Alika: I would get up and leave.
Angela: I would ignore you and continue to eat until you came back to your senses.
Justin: I would leave too.
Me: What?? You guys wouldn't do anything?
Justin: Oh wait, never mind, I wouldn't leave.
Me: ...
Justin: I would sit and watch.

New development:

I love kids.

4th grader: You know what's really exciting?
Me: What?
4th grader: Taking a nap.

Assorted Quibbles

1. "At least he's an equal opportunity scowler."
-Angela Davis

2. "So he's following the lead of his brother... who is woefully uninformed."
-Angela Davis

3. iPods have a "return to factory settings" button. I need to get one of those installed on my forehead, plz.

4. ROCOCO ROCOCO ROCOCO ROCOCO

5. Right now, there are few things more terrifying than the future.

6. "Quibbles" was the wrong word choice. Quibble means fight. Random fights? Regardless, THE TITLE STAYS. For aesthetic value, if for nothing else. What looks better than "quibbles"?? Besides maybe "pumpernickel".

7. Just gave "quibble" a google. It's okay-- that's exactly the right word.

8. Maybe I don't need to return to factory settings.

9. I'm unsettled by unfinished internet conversations. I'm sorry I neglected for fifteen minutes, get back online. I'll pay attention now.

10. Jolly ranchers inspire me.

11. I almost stepped on a praying mantis the other day by accident. It was praying. I dodged it. I thought of Hamlet.

12. Because I hate odd numbers.

I'd say my life is well on track.

It's 4:22 am and I'm awake, hopped up on caffeine and sugar, wearing fake glasses and doing midterm stuff while watching this:




YUUUUUP

Because Holga cameras aren't hipster enough in and of themselves, I now have a fisheye lens attachment and plan on taking pictures of shoes.

My life is on a downward spiral.

I'm putting off doing my reading for Contemporary British Lit simply because I don't like the type of paper the book's printed on --or the font. And there's too many words per page. Space them out. The letters are too small too. And the book doesn't smell good. And the pages are dirty. It looks like a barista was reading this while making espressos. I should've bought it new. There's tape on the front cover. It's been written in already. Up until page 25. That person was probably as distracted as me. He or she probably got fed up with the paper, the number of words per page, the stains, the tape and said "F*** reading this book". But, the author is wearing sweet glasses.

"For the first time, in a long time, I feel alive."

So, I'm a senior and for the first time since the beginning of Freshman year, I feel like DePauw is where I'm supposed to be. I may be overly optimistic, which is uncharacteristic of me, but I think this might turn out to be my best year yet. I've decided to try to journal everyday, and while I don't want to share ALL of my personal journal, I'll probably post chunks. STAY TUNED.

Where is Conan O'Brien? I WANT HIM BACK.

I just finished developing some film for photo class, and I'm eating an apple... I didn't wash my hands first. There's a 87% chance I've just eaten developer, stop bath, fixer, hypoclear and photo flo in that order. Cheers!

I have a lot I could say, but I don't have time right now. Later/Soon.

I need to go finish reading The French Lieutenant's Woman. Thanks.

Quotes from Caty CMFK 2010

I would like to commemorate this final day of my internship with a quote from the charming, Catherine Green:

"The latest psychotic malfuntion in my head has me singing "build-a-bear" to the tune of silver bells in Frank Sinatra's voice-- On that note I'm going to bathroom to make faces at myself in the mirror and laugh-- because I'm a grown up."

I don't know how the College Mentors for Kids' Development Team will survive without us.

Finally, a decent haircut in my life!

Summertime ramblings/my brain is turning to goo

1. I just found some milano cookies that I tucked away to eat on vacation and forgot about. My first instinct, real life, actual reaction was, "Oh, NOM."

2. This summer, I was so posi. Positive. Duh.

3. There's nothing I love more than when I put on my serious headphones for serious music listening, and forget to turn on music.

4. Oh for sure, mewithoutYou is my favorite band.

5. Oh for sure, I'm ready to go back to school. A few days ago, I caught myself saying, "I wish I were in Greencsatle so I could get--" I stopped myself there, of course. While I regret the words "I wish I were in Greencastle" anyone who has tasted No. 1's Singaporian noodles would understand where I was headed with that sentence.

6. In reference to #3: A friend just sent me a song over AIM with the message "Best Song Ever" only to be followed shortly by the opening lyrics (dirty south, etc) to "Are you that somebody" by Aaliyah circa 1999. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for defiling my serious listening headphones. Sorry, Aaliyah. No offense-- RIP, girl. Also, I should, I haven't turned off the song. SUE ME.

7. So into this:


8. Nothing more to report. Oh wait, yes there is. Qdoba tried to kill me with their queso. The situation with my stomach is lamentable. K, that's all.

Today, I had the most harrowing experience in a Target bathroom.

First off, target's bathroom's always inexplicably smell of Fruit Loops cereal. I've never figured that out. So, I go in prepared for and almost looking forward to the fruit loops smell. I open the door and I first thing I saw/smelled was a woman changing a baby with the most rank smelling poop I've ever smelled in my existence. Ever. So, the bathroom immediately smells of fruit loop and superpoop. I go into a stall to find an improperly discarded tampon applicator on the ground. That's all I'll say about that. It was pushed all the way towards the back of the stall, so I was willing to overlook it, but then realized there was no toilet paper. I gladly stepped out. I checked the next stall-- no toilet paper. The other two on that side were occupied, so I went over to the other end, passing the superpoop baby. A mother was in the handicapped stall with her child, who had just opened the door wide and was pushing it around. Then I hear Jenni asking the mother of the now wide open next door stall, "Umm, not to be awkward or anything, but could I borrow some toilet paper." Then the superpoop smell hit me again, and the fruit loops and I remembered the tampon, and I just had to get out of there.

Kitten commentary

"Try googling feline autism." -Angela Davis

Why yes,

I do separate trail mix out into perfect little mouthfuls. Three peanuts, one cashew, four raisins and one m&m . One almond, two cashews, two peanuts, two m&ms and three raisins. Two cashews, four peanuts, three raisins, two m&ms. Four m&ms, two raisins, three peanuts.

I could go on for days, but I'll stop myself here.

I'm disenchanted and disillusioned.

Thank God. Living in a fairy tale is entirely overrated and irresponsible.

This sounds really harsh and bitter, when actually, I'm the most joyful I've been in a long time... maybe ever.

"Open my heart, make it a mirror to reflect the myriad coloured lights of love and space."


Infinte. Image. Lights. Space. Colors. Reflecting. Beautiful.

This inspirational afternoon moment of mysticism is brought to you via the inspiration of Akron/Family's rather strange mantra/song/chant, Love and Space.

And the search begins

I'd say about once every three years, I hear a song or find a band that truly changes the way I listen to music. It moves me. It prompts me to discover. It inspires my taste in music to begin leap ahead, leaving the old behind.

And the funny thing is, when I hear said type of song, I know it. I know what's coming. It takes a few weeks or months for the transformation to begin, but I can see it in the distance, on the horizon, whichever sounds most promising.

Leaving the old for the new happens in life. I don't really leave these bands so much as I thank them for their inspiration and then grow from there. Yes, I take music this seriously. Sue me. In my defense, I don't actually send out thank you letters (though it's not a bad idea.)

If you've never heard a song that stops you in your tracks, makes you think, makes you press repeat, makes you even physically tingle, then I'm sorry, but your taste in music could use some revamping. I'm iffy to objectively file things that are subjective into "good" and "bad", but if music doesn't make you feel, then what's the point? I don't want this to turn into a music rant because well-- wow, that would never end.

I'm just trying to say that in a world filled with the musical equivalent of what fine artists/photographers calls "eye candy", it gives me hope to know that people are still making music capable of making an audience FEEL not just hear.

Why am I writing so much seriousness lately? Well, actually, for anyone else, musically induced epiphanies are hardly serious. The joys of being me. Either way, this epiphany is poorly articulated. I feel more strongly than I can really express. I'm going to go listen to my new inspiration, Justin Bieber, now. KIDDING.

Socially productive

I just had a really great conversation with a friend who knows what it's like to forever float between two-- we'll say "groups", never fully accepted by either but never explicitly rejected.

In the same conversation, we expressed the hopelessness and frustration that we feel with our generation and the idea that there will never be enough people willing to step outside of their boxes and think about, see and truly appreciate the world from other perspectives.

I ranted with classmate about a professor who values favoritism over anything else. Somewhat unrelated, I realized that people aren't what they seem. Quick judgements about people are so problematic. I'm disgusted with myself.

I didn't get my art history reading done for tomorrow, but that's the problem with DePauw (or college in general). I'm so busy sitting by myself doing homework in order to have a good GPA ( don't get me started on GPA's) that I don't have time to sit around and have serious, lengthy discussions with friends. I learned far more tonight from talking with friends than I would've from reading that awful 30 page article about exoticism in art, then another 30 page reading about primitive anti-colonialism in art THEN ANOTHER 30 page reading about the spirituality of art. Are you kidding me?

I have a lot on my mind, but it's good. I'm feeling like dropping out of college, and have been for a while, but I know I never will. College is good, I just wish I didn't have so much work so that I could actually have time to learn.

Over and out.

A) I'm never having Garden Salsa Sun Chips again.

B) To the guys playing basketball at Lilly and listening to Justin Bieber,

Please leave campus immediately.

C) Those sun chips were too much. I feel awful.

D) Facebook creeping should be an olympic sport.

E) So should sun chip eating. I will win the gold.

F) X-Men 3 was no where near as good as I remember, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to become a class 5 mutant.

I wrote this last semester for a writing prompt, and I found it today.

Sometimes, I like to pretend I’m not here. If I pretend that my life doesn’t exist for 30 seconds, two minutes, or three hours, then maybe I can get through another day. I imagine myself as someone else.

Really, my (real) life is just what happens in between my day dreams of imagining the unattainable. It's pathetic, and it's taking over, hardly without my realizing it.

You know it's been a rough semester when...

1) I start having nightmares about classes
2) And housing
3) And I can't stop listening to Jay-Z...

More to come, I'm sure.

Update: (April 7, 2010) This is a big one--

4) I find a DePauw frat guy to be attractive/gorgeous/downright sexy

What's happening to me??

Update: (April 25, 2010)

5) "Let's go to the pool and practice seeing how long we can hold each other's heads under the water."
6) I face-planted during my radio show.
7) I thought really, really hard about whether a car window was up or down. After deciding it was down, I tried to stick my hand out. I was met by the glass of the window. It was up.

Update: (May 2, 2010)

8) My grocery list ends with "...whatever else I need to survive" in all capital letters.

Update: (May 12, 2010)

9) Phone conversations are as follows:
Me: Hello?
Akanksha: I'm a suicide risk.

Snippets

Kidz Bop: unspeakably awful pop songs sung by pre-pubescent children. The 18th album comes out in July.

I was waiting for a table at La Hacienda and realized the guy next to me was touching my thumb, which he continued to do.

I was watching a youtube video and then I went to read the comments. I read one that I was really funny so I laughed and thought, "I was just thinking that!" Then, went I went to give it a thumbs up, youtube wouldn't let me. I then realized that I'd left the comment. A month ago. I have no recollection.

My stomach hates me for eating Waffle House at 1 am

"It's not that hard to imagine a Chicken Biscuit. It's a biscuit with a piece of chicken in between. It's not like imagining the anatomy of a crocodile!"

Spring Break Plans:

50% Play the Sims
40% Sleep
10% Pretend to be productive

Yeah. Sounds about right.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a house to build.

To the man who came into Treasures on the Square wearing tie dye parachute pants in the middle of class,

Thank you.

Sincerely,

The one who kept staring



p.s. Your beard was transcendent.

I'm over:

1) Reading people's AWFUL screenplays, stories, etc.
2) Commenting on people's AWFUL screenplays, stories, etc.
3) Advanced Reporting. I will never choose to be a journalist.
4) Revising
5) Re-revising
6) Digital collage making
7) Photoshop
8) Neighbors
9) English majors, that, dont understand grammar, or, punctuation. (Errors are intentional)
10) College

I just want to forget about college and go on Spring Break.

"My screenplay doesn't have a name. Fundamental Error. Right off the bat."

So what if I'm watching the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers? SUE ME.

Toy Story

"Would you like some tea, Mrs. Nesbitt?"

Ben Gibbard! You kill me.

"She holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child."

-Death Cab for Cutie

Throwback, but still premature

So, I just found, tucked away in an old high school composition notebook, a list of my "Favorite CD's Ever". It's written in my 16-year-old handwriting, circa 2004 and it's (surprisingly) not too far off. I mean sure, I missed the mark with some of the bands, but in some places I was spot on with direction my musical taste was heading. I nailed some on the head and missed some by a mile (or two).

Chances are, absolutely nobody cares, but I think the list is worth publishing. I also started writing up reviews of each CD last semester, I found those too and finished the few I hadn't done. People are chomping at the bit for this information. They are clamoring to know what I considered my favorite music when I was hopeless and emotional 16 year old. There is pandemonium. Attn crowds: prepared to be pacified.

"Favorite CD's Ever"
1) Blindside- Silence
2) Copeland- Beneath Medicine Tree
3) Haste the Day- That They May Know You (or) Burning Bridges
4) MxPx- Ten Years and Running
5) Relient K- Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek (or) Self-Titled (or) Two Lefts Don't Make A Right
6) Taking Back Sunday- Tell All Your Friends

So yeah, when I was 16, I was under the impression that these were my Favorite CD's Ever. Now, I will admit, Copeland's Beneath Medicine Tree is one of my favorites ever. So is Haste the Day's Burning Bridges and most certainly Taking Back Sunday's Tell All Your Friends. Those are (currently) some of my favorite bands of all time. But Blindside, MxPx (WOW, Really??) and Relient K were a little off. But it's okay. I started there, and moved onto better, comparable bands. Except for MxPx. Punk rock is dead to me, but I appreciate the CD for what it was to me at the time.

And, I kind of feel like I'm 16 again as I write this. Additionally, I think it's noteworthy that as I write this I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday's "Tell All Your Friends" and wearing an old, stained, dirty Haste the Day shirt. I think someone else's blood is on it from a show at the Emerson. BR00TAL.






I'll write more later on this gem of a discovery. I'll post the reviews that I wrote. In the meantime, I'm just hoping to keep the crowds at bay.

This is really amazing. Plus, it reminds me of La Blogothèque Take Away Shows.



I need a banjo in my life stat.

I'm preparing to delve further into the musical stylings of:

1) Bob Dylan
2) Ratatat
3) Mumford and Sons

What I'm saying is, I'm going to listen to more Bob Dylan, Ratatat and Mumford and Sons. I'm really excited. I'm also really obsessed with Weezer. I'll add them to the list.

4) Weezer

But really, I already have quite a bit of Weezer's music. I'll take them off.

*minus Weezer*

No, I'm going to leave them.

4) Weezer

And the Deftones

5) Deftones

YES.

http://www.tomford.com/#/en/menswear/autumn/winter2009

I think it's strange that I'm obsessed with Tom Ford's menswear for several reasons:

1) I'm never obsessed with designers.
2) I'm not a man.

His new spring collection is up. And I'm STOKED.

Riley is so cool.

You already do

While doing crunches at the gym, neither girl remotely overweight, but not stick thin:
Girl #1: Oh my god, I don't want to starve myself. I really don't!
Girl #2: Oh my god, don't do it!
Girl #1: But if I don't, I'll hate myself! I don't want to hate myself!


.... Okay.

Out of the blue, via iChat

Chris:
Let me give you some advice

Me:
haha ok

Chis:
1. Disregard Frivolous Women
2. Acquire Currency
3. Throw a Rave
4. Microwave Metal

Today, in a nuthshell

My cat attacked me at 6am.
Fell asleep at a red light on 86th street.
Wearing the itchiest sweater in the world. Literally.
My stomach failed to realize I ate lunch.
The water has "goobers" in it, and can apparently alter the color of pants.
Dentist appointment in the morning.

Just had lunch, before which, my stomach was growling.
While I ate lunch, my stomach was growling.
Now, after lunch, my stomach is growling.

WHAT GIVES??

I'm determined to trick my stomach into realizing I already had lunch.

Seriously, for serious

Me: The lead singer of Weezer is named Rivers. Like rivers in the ocean!
Alex: Noooo, like rivers in the lake! DUHHH.

30 days of night

Me: "Where did these vampires even come from?"
Jenna: "Probably Russia."

I wonder

What are the chances that I could get a llama? This one, to be exact. I have a name picked out: Gibbous.

Get well soon

Feeling severely displaced.

Found the turtleneck. Just the cut tag of off and wore the new one this morning. Typical.

So this entire idea I had of sleeping on the schedule of a hard-working adult instead of a desperate, struggling, over-worked college student is flying like a sack of bricks.

I'm trying hard. My plan was to go to sleep at between 11:30 and 12 to wake up at 6:20(ish). Okay, wow. Last night I fell asleep around 2 or 2:30 to wake up at 6:30. I also broke the toilet handle clean off (still not sure how) when I woke up in the night to go to the bathroom. Well, I woke up late. Stayed awake at work with aid of coffee, coffee beans covered in dark chocolate, and by being busy with things to get done. Got home and PASSED OUT. I'm having trouble accounting for what happened between 5:30 and 7. I just remember sitting on my bed with my computer.

So now here I am, an hour nap under my belt and the clock growing closer to the time I have to wake up. I'm sure I'll get adjusted just in time to go back to school. Then I'll get back and want to go to bed at 11 every night, knowing good and well I have enough work to keep me up straight through the night.

I feel like this whole entry is poorly written. So sorry.

Could not... Could not find the turtleneck

Looked. Did not find. Bought two new ones. Now I will probably find the old one.

Indecisiveness solved

Me: Ugh, should I get these styrofoam bowls or not??
Hannah: ...
Me: Okay, okay, I know. I'll close my eyes and throw them and if they land in the cart, I'll get them. If they land on the floor, I'll leave them there and run away.
Hannah: Okay.
Me: I'm also going to spin around three times.

Closed my eyes, spun about 12 times, and threw them directly into my cart. Crazy.
Later found a pair of moccasin slippers that I wanted instead.
Left the bowls in the shoe department and instead bought the moccasin slippers (which I have every intention of wearing outdoors, on a regular basis).

I lost my favorite (and only) turtleneck. I'm on a mission to find it before bed. Hell-bent, if you will.

Today sucked so bad.

Typical New Year's Eve.