I'm disenchanted and disillusioned.
Thank God. Living in a fairy tale is entirely overrated and irresponsible.
This sounds really harsh and bitter, when actually, I'm the most joyful I've been in a long time... maybe ever.
18 June 2010
"Open my heart, make it a mirror to reflect the myriad coloured lights of love and space."
Infinte. Image. Lights. Space. Colors. Reflecting. Beautiful.
This inspirational afternoon moment of mysticism is brought to you via the inspiration of Akron/Family's rather strange mantra/song/chant, Love and Space.
Infinte. Image. Lights. Space. Colors. Reflecting. Beautiful.
This inspirational afternoon moment of mysticism is brought to you via the inspiration of Akron/Family's rather strange mantra/song/chant, Love and Space.
16 May 2010
And the search begins
I'd say about once every three years, I hear a song or find a band that truly changes the way I listen to music. It moves me. It prompts me to discover. It inspires my taste in music to begin leap ahead, leaving the old behind.
And the funny thing is, when I hear said type of song, I know it. I know what's coming. It takes a few weeks or months for the transformation to begin, but I can see it in the distance, on the horizon, whichever sounds most promising.
Leaving the old for the new happens in life. I don't really leave these bands so much as I thank them for their inspiration and then grow from there. Yes, I take music this seriously. Sue me. In my defense, I don't actually send out thank you letters (though it's not a bad idea.)
If you've never heard a song that stops you in your tracks, makes you think, makes you press repeat, makes you even physically tingle, then I'm sorry, but your taste in music could use some revamping. I'm iffy to objectively file things that are subjective into "good" and "bad", but if music doesn't make you feel, then what's the point? I don't want this to turn into a music rant because well-- wow, that would never end.
I'm just trying to say that in a world filled with the musical equivalent of what fine artists/photographers calls "eye candy", it gives me hope to know that people are still making music capable of making an audience FEEL not just hear.
Why am I writing so much seriousness lately? Well, actually, for anyone else, musically induced epiphanies are hardly serious. The joys of being me. Either way, this epiphany is poorly articulated. I feel more strongly than I can really express. I'm going to go listen to my new inspiration, Justin Bieber, now. KIDDING.
And the funny thing is, when I hear said type of song, I know it. I know what's coming. It takes a few weeks or months for the transformation to begin, but I can see it in the distance, on the horizon, whichever sounds most promising.
Leaving the old for the new happens in life. I don't really leave these bands so much as I thank them for their inspiration and then grow from there. Yes, I take music this seriously. Sue me. In my defense, I don't actually send out thank you letters (though it's not a bad idea.)
If you've never heard a song that stops you in your tracks, makes you think, makes you press repeat, makes you even physically tingle, then I'm sorry, but your taste in music could use some revamping. I'm iffy to objectively file things that are subjective into "good" and "bad", but if music doesn't make you feel, then what's the point? I don't want this to turn into a music rant because well-- wow, that would never end.
I'm just trying to say that in a world filled with the musical equivalent of what fine artists/photographers calls "eye candy", it gives me hope to know that people are still making music capable of making an audience FEEL not just hear.
Why am I writing so much seriousness lately? Well, actually, for anyone else, musically induced epiphanies are hardly serious. The joys of being me. Either way, this epiphany is poorly articulated. I feel more strongly than I can really express. I'm going to go listen to my new inspiration, Justin Bieber, now. KIDDING.
04 May 2010
Socially productive
I just had a really great conversation with a friend who knows what it's like to forever float between two-- we'll say "groups", never fully accepted by either but never explicitly rejected.
In the same conversation, we expressed the hopelessness and frustration that we feel with our generation and the idea that there will never be enough people willing to step outside of their boxes and think about, see and truly appreciate the world from other perspectives.
I ranted with classmate about a professor who values favoritism over anything else. Somewhat unrelated, I realized that people aren't what they seem. Quick judgements about people are so problematic. I'm disgusted with myself.
I didn't get my art history reading done for tomorrow, but that's the problem with DePauw (or college in general). I'm so busy sitting by myself doing homework in order to have a good GPA ( don't get me started on GPA's) that I don't have time to sit around and have serious, lengthy discussions with friends. I learned far more tonight from talking with friends than I would've from reading that awful 30 page article about exoticism in art, then another 30 page reading about primitive anti-colonialism in art THEN ANOTHER 30 page reading about the spirituality of art. Are you kidding me?
I have a lot on my mind, but it's good. I'm feeling like dropping out of college, and have been for a while, but I know I never will. College is good, I just wish I didn't have so much work so that I could actually have time to learn.
Over and out.
In the same conversation, we expressed the hopelessness and frustration that we feel with our generation and the idea that there will never be enough people willing to step outside of their boxes and think about, see and truly appreciate the world from other perspectives.
I ranted with classmate about a professor who values favoritism over anything else. Somewhat unrelated, I realized that people aren't what they seem. Quick judgements about people are so problematic. I'm disgusted with myself.
I didn't get my art history reading done for tomorrow, but that's the problem with DePauw (or college in general). I'm so busy sitting by myself doing homework in order to have a good GPA ( don't get me started on GPA's) that I don't have time to sit around and have serious, lengthy discussions with friends. I learned far more tonight from talking with friends than I would've from reading that awful 30 page article about exoticism in art, then another 30 page reading about primitive anti-colonialism in art THEN ANOTHER 30 page reading about the spirituality of art. Are you kidding me?
I have a lot on my mind, but it's good. I'm feeling like dropping out of college, and have been for a while, but I know I never will. College is good, I just wish I didn't have so much work so that I could actually have time to learn.
Over and out.
25 April 2010
A) I'm never having Garden Salsa Sun Chips again.
B) To the guys playing basketball at Lilly and listening to Justin Bieber,
Please leave campus immediately.
C) Those sun chips were too much. I feel awful.
D) Facebook creeping should be an olympic sport.
E) So should sun chip eating. I will win the gold.
F) X-Men 3 was no where near as good as I remember, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to become a class 5 mutant.
B) To the guys playing basketball at Lilly and listening to Justin Bieber,
Please leave campus immediately.
C) Those sun chips were too much. I feel awful.
D) Facebook creeping should be an olympic sport.
E) So should sun chip eating. I will win the gold.
F) X-Men 3 was no where near as good as I remember, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to become a class 5 mutant.
07 April 2010
I wrote this last semester for a writing prompt, and I found it today.
Really, my (real) life is just what happens in between my day dreams of imagining the unattainable. It's pathetic, and it's taking over, hardly without my realizing it.
Sometimes, I like to pretend I’m not here. If I pretend that my life doesn’t exist for 30 seconds, two minutes, or three hours, then maybe I can get through another day. I imagine myself as someone else.
Really, my (real) life is just what happens in between my day dreams of imagining the unattainable. It's pathetic, and it's taking over, hardly without my realizing it.
06 April 2010
You know it's been a rough semester when...
1) I start having nightmares about classes
2) And housing
3) And I can't stop listening to Jay-Z...
More to come, I'm sure.
Update: (April 7, 2010) This is a big one--
4) I find a DePauw frat guy to be attractive/gorgeous/downright sexy
What's happening to me??
Update: (April 25, 2010)
5) "Let's go to the pool and practice seeing how long we can hold each other's heads under the water."
6) I face-planted during my radio show.
7) I thought really, really hard about whether a car window was up or down. After deciding it was down, I tried to stick my hand out. I was met by the glass of the window. It was up.
Update: (May 2, 2010)
8) My grocery list ends with "...whatever else I need to survive" in all capital letters.
Update: (May 12, 2010)
9) Phone conversations are as follows:
Me: Hello?
Akanksha: I'm a suicide risk.
2) And housing
3) And I can't stop listening to Jay-Z...
More to come, I'm sure.
Update: (April 7, 2010) This is a big one--
4) I find a DePauw frat guy to be attractive/gorgeous/downright sexy
What's happening to me??
Update: (April 25, 2010)
5) "Let's go to the pool and practice seeing how long we can hold each other's heads under the water."
6) I face-planted during my radio show.
7) I thought really, really hard about whether a car window was up or down. After deciding it was down, I tried to stick my hand out. I was met by the glass of the window. It was up.
Update: (May 2, 2010)
8) My grocery list ends with "...whatever else I need to survive" in all capital letters.
Update: (May 12, 2010)
9) Phone conversations are as follows:
Me: Hello?
Akanksha: I'm a suicide risk.
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