Today, I had the most harrowing experience in a Target bathroom.

First off, target's bathroom's always inexplicably smell of Fruit Loops cereal. I've never figured that out. So, I go in prepared for and almost looking forward to the fruit loops smell. I open the door and I first thing I saw/smelled was a woman changing a baby with the most rank smelling poop I've ever smelled in my existence. Ever. So, the bathroom immediately smells of fruit loop and superpoop. I go into a stall to find an improperly discarded tampon applicator on the ground. That's all I'll say about that. It was pushed all the way towards the back of the stall, so I was willing to overlook it, but then realized there was no toilet paper. I gladly stepped out. I checked the next stall-- no toilet paper. The other two on that side were occupied, so I went over to the other end, passing the superpoop baby. A mother was in the handicapped stall with her child, who had just opened the door wide and was pushing it around. Then I hear Jenni asking the mother of the now wide open next door stall, "Umm, not to be awkward or anything, but could I borrow some toilet paper." Then the superpoop smell hit me again, and the fruit loops and I remembered the tampon, and I just had to get out of there.

Kitten commentary

"Try googling feline autism." -Angela Davis

Why yes,

I do separate trail mix out into perfect little mouthfuls. Three peanuts, one cashew, four raisins and one m&m . One almond, two cashews, two peanuts, two m&ms and three raisins. Two cashews, four peanuts, three raisins, two m&ms. Four m&ms, two raisins, three peanuts.

I could go on for days, but I'll stop myself here.

I'm disenchanted and disillusioned.

Thank God. Living in a fairy tale is entirely overrated and irresponsible.

This sounds really harsh and bitter, when actually, I'm the most joyful I've been in a long time... maybe ever.

"Open my heart, make it a mirror to reflect the myriad coloured lights of love and space."


Infinte. Image. Lights. Space. Colors. Reflecting. Beautiful.

This inspirational afternoon moment of mysticism is brought to you via the inspiration of Akron/Family's rather strange mantra/song/chant, Love and Space.

And the search begins

I'd say about once every three years, I hear a song or find a band that truly changes the way I listen to music. It moves me. It prompts me to discover. It inspires my taste in music to begin leap ahead, leaving the old behind.

And the funny thing is, when I hear said type of song, I know it. I know what's coming. It takes a few weeks or months for the transformation to begin, but I can see it in the distance, on the horizon, whichever sounds most promising.

Leaving the old for the new happens in life. I don't really leave these bands so much as I thank them for their inspiration and then grow from there. Yes, I take music this seriously. Sue me. In my defense, I don't actually send out thank you letters (though it's not a bad idea.)

If you've never heard a song that stops you in your tracks, makes you think, makes you press repeat, makes you even physically tingle, then I'm sorry, but your taste in music could use some revamping. I'm iffy to objectively file things that are subjective into "good" and "bad", but if music doesn't make you feel, then what's the point? I don't want this to turn into a music rant because well-- wow, that would never end.

I'm just trying to say that in a world filled with the musical equivalent of what fine artists/photographers calls "eye candy", it gives me hope to know that people are still making music capable of making an audience FEEL not just hear.

Why am I writing so much seriousness lately? Well, actually, for anyone else, musically induced epiphanies are hardly serious. The joys of being me. Either way, this epiphany is poorly articulated. I feel more strongly than I can really express. I'm going to go listen to my new inspiration, Justin Bieber, now. KIDDING.

Socially productive

I just had a really great conversation with a friend who knows what it's like to forever float between two-- we'll say "groups", never fully accepted by either but never explicitly rejected.

In the same conversation, we expressed the hopelessness and frustration that we feel with our generation and the idea that there will never be enough people willing to step outside of their boxes and think about, see and truly appreciate the world from other perspectives.

I ranted with classmate about a professor who values favoritism over anything else. Somewhat unrelated, I realized that people aren't what they seem. Quick judgements about people are so problematic. I'm disgusted with myself.

I didn't get my art history reading done for tomorrow, but that's the problem with DePauw (or college in general). I'm so busy sitting by myself doing homework in order to have a good GPA ( don't get me started on GPA's) that I don't have time to sit around and have serious, lengthy discussions with friends. I learned far more tonight from talking with friends than I would've from reading that awful 30 page article about exoticism in art, then another 30 page reading about primitive anti-colonialism in art THEN ANOTHER 30 page reading about the spirituality of art. Are you kidding me?

I have a lot on my mind, but it's good. I'm feeling like dropping out of college, and have been for a while, but I know I never will. College is good, I just wish I didn't have so much work so that I could actually have time to learn.

Over and out.